He had to muster his confidence to ask me that. My heart swelled with compassion for him. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your honesty. I wanted to help him in any way I could. We can try a session and see how it goes.

John: Ok. I might be interested to book a two-hour session. Can I let you know when we meet?

In the days that followed John came in for his first session. I went downstairs to open the front door. True to his description, he was a big guy, struggling just to walk. He entered the building and hobbled up the stairs holding on to the railing, one stair at a time. We entered my home studio. An area on the floor had already been prepared with a floor mattress and cushions. Relaxing music played in the background.

While he removed his sneakers and socks, I took notice of his swollen feet and ankles. I invited him to sit.  He struggled to lower himself down to the floor. I made him comfortable with a few cushions and offered him some water. We got the usual greetings out of the way, and got right down to the business of snuggling. He mentioned some of his favorite positions and I agreed to try them. 

We first got into a spooning position. We had some light conversation then he began to talk more deeply about himself. He said he was long time married, but his wife no longer touched him. They slept in different rooms, especially since the surgery. They once shared a beautiful love story, but now they were merely roommates. At first she nursed him but later she became repulsed by his condition. Few kind words were exchanged between them now.

No doubt his body ached physically, but I sensed his heart carried its equal weight in pain.

We switched positions a few times. I spooned him. He spooned me. He shifted from one position to the next laboriously. His breath became labored when I climbed on his belly for a bear hug. We didn’t stay in that position long, but otherwise we took our time. I wanted him to feel no judgment from me.

While spooning me, he asked if he could stroke my hair and my arms. I said yes. I felt comfortable, safe and in control. I threw my legs over his. Put my arm around his neck. Cradled his head. He said he missed being close to a woman. He liked my scent and thanked me for being kind. He was a gentle giant and a gentleman.

We got right up close to each other. Breathing closely in silence. Holding hands. Holding each other. He smelled clean. We talked some more. He berated himself for all the weight gain. It shamed him that he couldn’t see his own feet or his penis – and couldn’t get an erection. He was determined to lose another 100 pounds. 

We connected over his vulnerability. It was apparent John did not have a quality relationship with his wife. However he felt about his marriage, whatever caused him to gain so much weight, whichever feelings he needed to unload, he felt safe enough with me to let down his guard and speak with honesty.

Toward the end of the hour, he said he would like to extend the session to two hours. So we cuddled some more, changing positions, speaking intimately. He talked more about his work, and offered to drive me anywhere I needed to go – to the airport or food shopping – free of charge. This generosity toward me was a sign that he was receiving good care. I was pleased.

You may wonder what kind of person would get that close to a random stranger, particularly one befitting John’s description. No doubt, our interaction was  transactional; he paying for a service I rendered. I admit I was slightly taken aback at first, even if I’ve seen all types of bodies. But I’ve learned to ignore superficial judgments and allow my humanity to show. Our heart to heart connection was natural and kindred, honest and sincere.